The Last Night In The First House I’ve Ever Lived In, Without A Significant Other

Here I am, lying on my matras (my bed’s already at my new house), on the evening/night of my last night in this house. Although it is just a (way overpriced) house, it has been so much more to me, this last year:

* It has been a safe haven for me and my kids: no matter what happened, I could always go back to this place.

* Literally almost the reason for being homeless, because of the ridiculous amount of rent I had to pay. It felt really strange: I had a safe place, but when I got my paycheck, I had to pay about half of that towards my rent, which made it quite impossible to live the way I wanted.

* On the other hand: it made me appreciate life much more, because I had to pay attention to every euro I had to spent. I know that sounds weird, but I really do appreciate everything more than ever, since I could not just spent my money on whatever I wanted, like it was when I was still married and living in the U.S.

*It was tiny, but it was filled with love. And love, just enough money to get food and all the other essentials in life, and friends & family are basically all you need in life.

*It has been the witness of all my moments of despair, trying to find a way to pay all my bills, while making sure my boys were still getting all they needed.

*This house has seen all kinds of guys coming and going, while I was dealing with all the factors that come with first dates (some were horrible, some were funny in a good way, some in a bad way) and some second and third dates (No, I have not taken all these guys into my house immediately!) This taught me so much about myself. I now know exactly what I do and do not want in a relationship. Luckily I have found everything that I was looking for in the boyfriend that I have now. He is the one.

*It has also seen friends and family come and go. Some of them being there whenever I needed them, without me even asking. Others just coming once, to hear the ‘heartbreaking’ story of my life, to never be seen again (in other words: people who are just curious, without ever inviting you back). Those are NOT friends and I do not miss them. I will however look back, with a smile on my face, on a lot of laughter and fun with good people too.

*It has been the silent witness of my tears, when I really didn’t know where to find the energy to keep going as a single mom of two boys, with a demanding fulltime job, while dealing with money struggles, my rheumatoid arthritis, trying to find a good way to communicate with my ex spouse and taking care of my boys and myself.

So house, when I pack up my stuff tomorrow, know that, (even though you were way too expensive, tiny and old) I will still miss you a little. Especially all the special moments that were made while living inside you.

We have made many, many memories inside your walls. Thank you for giving me that spot, a spot that I needed, but that I’ve outgrown now.

And (Dutch) readers, please make sure you do have a place to stay that is affordable, even though you think your relationship is great. You never know what your life wil bring onto your path. Be prepared!

Een gedachte over “The Last Night In The First House I’ve Ever Lived In, Without A Significant Other

  1. Safe travels and good health to you in your next home.

    Geliked door 1 persoon

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