When my spouse wanted a divorce, I was devastated. After being with him for almost 20 years, while being faithful all those years, I had no clue where to start dating-wise.
My ex’s aunt saw me struggle for 2,5 days and then I was done with the selfpity. She installed Tinder on my phone and explained to me how it worked.
In the beginning, I made many mistakes swiping to the wrong side or even upwards, which meant I lost my one ‘superlike’ of the day. Unfortunately, I could not go back to that previous guy, but I didn’t want to pay for Tinder. To make these ‘mistakes’ bearable I decided that those guys just weren’t ‘meant-to-be’.
While in New York, at the airport, I swiped a very famous runner, who looked gorgeous and invited me to his penthouse. That was bolstering my broken ego. In fact, many gorgeous guys swiped me. I had no clue those guys were in ‘my league’.
Back in the Netherlands, while living with my parents, I saw guys I knew on Tinder. Some of them were married, with kids. I hoped they had some kind of arrangement with their spouses, but I don’t think they did.
There were guys who started texting me via messenger too, married guys, who tried to figure out if I was interested in them. Nope! I will never lower myself to that level. I’ve been on the other side, with a cheating spouse, and I don’t want to ever do this to someone else. Yes, I am old-fashioned like that.
The first guy I started having ‘normal’ conversations with, was a bar owner. I called it a ‘normal’ conversation, since a lot of them started of ‘normal’, but quickly changed into a sex conversation. I then learned that I had to use the abbreviations no FWB and no ONS in my Tinder bio. Before Tinder, I had no clue what these abbreviations meant. The bar owner wasn’t sure, after a few whatsapp video calls, if he was ready for a new relationship yet. He was also a smoker, which I really did not prefer.
Chatting and swiping on Tinder is actually kind of addictive. It’s like a game, where you’re trying to find the best fit. It’s like a big ‘meat inspection’, as we say in the Netherlands. Almost every chat starts with the same questions: Where do you live? What do you like to do in your free time? What do you do for a living? After a while it’s pretty exhausting to keep up with all these guys, asking you almost similar questions.
Sometimes there’s one who stands out. And yes, I do read their bio’s. At one point, I had been chatting with a very sweet guy, who I already thought of, while swiping him: ‘this could become something serious’. And it did become something serious. The only downside was that he lived 1,5hr drive from me. We swiped each other while I was in Breda buying a car and he was in Breda buying a new bed.
I had no clue the distances changed to where I was. After finding out that we lived so far from each other, we still decided to give it a try. I drove to him, without ever meeting him before. Of course I did do my ‘homework’ checking him online. I remember thinking, while driving towards him: ‘Relax, just enjoy. It’s your time now’.
I arrived and we fell in love instantly. I dated him for a bit longer then 6 months, he then told me he couldn’t handle the distance anymore. I was heartbroken again.
After a few days, I installed Tinder again. The whole process started all over again. I got dick pics, naked torso’s, 26-year-olds pretending to be 37, some famous Dutch guys, etc. I remember thinking, after chatting for hours, without it really going anywhere I wanted, that I should just go out and find a guy like that. But then again, what do you know about a guy you meet in a bar? At least I could chat with them first via Tinder.
I had my first real date, going into the city, in a bar. When I met the guy, my body/brain immediately let me know he wasn’t it for me. I chatted with him for about two hours and then found out I had a hard time turning this guy down. He wanted to kiss me, but I didn’t. I did not say anything at that moment, but I did text him later, saying I didn’t feel a ‘click’. Yes. I am a coward, I know.
My second date was with a music lover, who constantly sent me songs. He looked good, we had nice conversations, and so I met with him, during the day, while walking my dog. I wasn’t sure what to think about him, but when we decided to go to my house, he kept talking about his ex. He clearly wasn’t over her yet. He had a lot of anger towards her still. He felt I wasn’t interested, we talked about that and he went home (driving for 2 hrs).
Then I started chatting to a guy who lived very close to me. We scheduled a date, he picked me up and we went on a walk into the city. He was fun, charming, good looking, but he had a strange laugh. We dated a few times, but he did not show up while we did schedule a date, he rescheduled dates and just didn’t seem trustworthy, a quality a guy really needs to have in my opinion. That’s when I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. That felt pretty awesome, because for once I had made the decision, for me.
Right now, I am seeing a great, trustworthy guy, who might turn out to be ‘more’. We are taking it slow, because that’s what we both need.
I have taken my Tinder profile down, because I am trustworthy like that too.
All in all, it’s been an eventful year, one that might be defined as tough, but also as very educational, since I really re-invented myself. There have been multiple times in which I got a big fat mirror in front of me, which is good, because now I know what I do and do NOT want in life. Tinder is a pretty good app, as long as you make sure you do what’s right for you.
I have thoroughly learned from everything life brought on my path. There’s one thing I know for sure: I am on the right path!